The Most Important Relationship

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There are moments in my life when an insight happens. And I get so excited. My entire consciousness expands. In those moments I literally wish I had a way to announce this life transforming insight to the whole world. (For now, at least let me begin with you!)

I was speaking to a few people this week and each conversation somehow had something to do with relationships. Someone wasn’t peaceful because she felt her father loved her sister more. Another wasn’t happy because there was distrust between his son and him. Yet another young one was dealing with her very first breakup. I do not know why these people chose to come to me for ideas or insights, but what I did end up doing was listen a lot and empathize even more.

I am an eternal optimist and idealist and I feel very happy when I see a world that is blissful, peaceful and growing. Earlier I used to get deeply troubled if someone close to me wasn’t feeling great. But I have understood that the world is what it is, and each of us are finding our way. Our journey. Our path. And disturbances will be there – and we just need to keep maneuvering peacefully and progressively. 

Last night I was just thinking of all these situations and wondering what would help. They were seeking a solution – some solace. And they represent a miniscule of all the people out there struggling with relationships. Was there an answer? I slept with this question and in the wee hours of the morning, it all clicked into place. It felt like a dream. A miracle. And I literally wished I could stand on the roofs and scream this out…

I realized that while some minor ego tussles and disagreements are natural in every relationship (any place where two people come together, in fact) the bigger ones happen when we don’t know who our most important relationship is. In fact, if I have to ask you – whom would you say your most important relationship is?

I asked myself and I realized in the answer, I found the answer. The most important relationship of my life is Me and My Source of Life which I call as God. I realized when one is deeply rooted into their sense of self – which comes from their purpose, their ideas, their vision, their spiritual Source – you start seeing relationships as a beautiful addition, a beautiful journey where like (and right) minded people come together to help you serve your destiny. 

You stop seeing that nagging in-law, for instance, as a cause of stress and instead see her as an alley for you to grow in love and patience. You stop seeing the perfectionist boss and a troublemaker but see him as an opportunity to grow as a professional. You stop seeing the various so-called challenging relationships around you as stressful, but rather they become a cause for excitement, fun and growth.

When the most important person in your life is someone else, you are calling for a lifetime of disturbance because the only person you actually have influence to change is you. The moment your happiness, your sadness, your peace – everything is in the others hand, you declare yourself powerless because you are indirectly saying, “If he makes me happy, I will be…” or “If she does so and so, I know I will find my peace.”

The world is, what the world is.

You have little or no control over it.

But yourself, and your life (the God of your life) is completely in your hands, waiting to be shaped, moment by moment. The more and more we find a firm anchoring in ourselves, the lesser and lesser we get overly disturbed by the people around us – no matter how close they are. 

I have a lot more to say – this is, but the beginning…

And I want to conclude with this paradox: The only way to get all the relationships of your life right, is by first getting your relationship with yourself right.

When you feel peaceful, powerful, purposeful within yourself (with no external props) you emit this into every relationship and come from a space of giving, rather than needing. You become a solution seeker and not a problem finder. You find yourself enjoying a much greater flow with people around – because you are in a flow with yourself.

It’s a journey – this relationship with yourself. I know I am on it. And loving every minute. 

Whenever you get too disturbed by people around you, ask yourself this simple question: Who is the most important person is your life? In the answer, I hope you will find many answers…

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