Sometimes there is a lump in the throat. Certain emotions are just welling up. You know its not really
anyone’s fault, but you are just not feeling you. You know you need to kick yourself back into life but
you need a pause. A moment to reconcile with the hurt. All you want to do is cry. But you hold back.
Its not strong to cry. Boys don’t cry. Even girls – just the weak and emotional one’s cry. You keep fighting
back the urge to just let go off all those pent emotions. You just want a release. You just want to get it
out of your system. But you keep fighting the tears.
And then suddenly out of nowhere, that one drop trickles from the corner of your eye – and then the
other. Suddenly you are crying, nay, howling. For all those unfair times. For those emotions
unexpressed. For everything you want to say but couldn’t. And everything streams out.
You cry until you can cry no more.
You hug yourself, and finally you feel it.
Light.
A smile, ready to blossom upon the lips.
Ever experienced this? I know I have, often. Even though crying is one of the most natural of human
expressions, there is so much of shame, guilt, awkwardness attached to it. I wonder why! Its so
therapeutic to just be able to let go. To allow the natural catharsis to happen in your body and mind.
Studies show, most causes of all diseases are suppressed emotions – and to think, all we had to do was
cry.
As powerful as a cry, is laughter. When I laugh, I really laugh. Its not a sound from my throat, its an
expression of my being. I throw my head back. I fall off the chair. My stomach hurts. And I laugh long –
sometimes even at the silliest jokes.
I laugh when I am with people I love – who cherish and celebrate my laughter. My father says my
laughter reminds him of falling rain, and a clinking of coins. My beloved says, it makes life and
everything worth it.
I laugh when I remember some great times – I relive them all the time and keep blossoming in the
feeling of mirth.
I laugh, sometimes, even when I am overwhelmed. I think and think, and think – and then when I cant
think anymore, I just start laughing. I laugh and I laugh. Nothing solves, and yet everything solves. The
problem loses its bite, its edge – it suddenly looks all fine.
Crying – and laughing.
Such beautiful, incredible expressions.
We indulged in them so freely as children and yet we seem to have become a bit too mature and
sophisticated about it now. We have so many mixed associations with these two.
One happy thing I have done for myself is freed myself my own judgment, and from the judgment of the
world, for these two emotions. I allow myself to cry – and I allow myself to laugh. Alone. With others.
And with the world at large.
I don’t feel small about myself.
My gender doesn’t come in the way, in either case.
I don’t feel weak.
I feel beautiful – about being able to be… just cherish and celebrate myself.
I think if more of us gave ourselves this freedom, we would find ourselves much lighter, and happier. We
all deserve to live this life as ourselves. As unapologetically ourselves. Let’s reclaim the right over these
two very basic, very beautiful expressions.
Now?